Balancing my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership
As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, largely pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership that lasted four years, however I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin to date any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners once more.
Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous gay men have open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, frequently causing significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused.
Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Try to be present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.
- The psychotherapist is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.
