These Words given by My Parent That Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the reality rapidly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You need some help. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger inability to open up among men, who still absorb harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a display of failure to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to take a pause - spending a few days overseas, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "bad actions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to things that don't help," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a friend, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their issues, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."